What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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