you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
