i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
