matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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