What did we do last night that was yellow?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
