Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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