Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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