i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
