We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
