Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
God, I missed his penis.
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