my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
