just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
