don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
