Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
