I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
