So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
