My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
