Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
