I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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