yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My friends, they love my intelligence
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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