I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
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just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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