Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
should my penis look like a turkey
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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