I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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