It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
