So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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