Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
