I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The uberlube is also flammable
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
