god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
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I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
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After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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