the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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