I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
