Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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