Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
