What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
