Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
