we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
