I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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