used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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