You're so nebulous sometimes
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
