I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
