He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
