I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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