When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
