Even my vagina gasped.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
