she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
