I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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