He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
