I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
