My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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