All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
