in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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