she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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