my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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