if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
