Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My vagina is officially offended.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
