Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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