The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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