I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
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i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
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Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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