dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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