do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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