Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He felt like a one man threesome
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
