Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
