i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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