Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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