Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
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I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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