My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
